i've been thinking a lot lately about the future, and realizing that it scares me more than a little. i dont really know what i want to do for a job, i dont know where i want to live, and i dont even know if im ready for the type of life i'll have if i stay with my boyfriend. goddess, i want to...he's the best thing that's ever happened to me. but i dont know if i can handle twenty years of waiting for him to finish his career with the military. i keep getting conflicting information about whether he will be moving around every four years or if he will only be stationed in one place. if he'll be moving all the time, i know i cant handle doing that, i'd have to live somewhere and wait for them to be done with him so i can have my turn. if he stays in one place i suppose i would be able to be with him, but even then i dont know how much i'll actually have him. it doesnt matter what i do, or what happens...for the next twenty years or so he's theirs before he's ever mine. and i think that's what hurts me the most, is that, as much as i love him and as much as he loves me, the military's always going to be first. i want to marry him and have kids, make an actual family! not be two working people who happen to share the same address and the same bed.
this whole thing probably doesnt make a whole lot of sense, its just me trying to figure things out in my mind.
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