Im Scared...

this is for him, though i doubt he'll ever read it...

baby, you know i've been scared a lot lately about our future, and where we're going to end up. i know it may not always make a lot of sense when im babbling and upset, so i thought i'd try to clarify things a little bit.

im scared because you're there and im here

im scared because they wont tell you where you'll be or when

im scared because i don't know if i'll be able to follow you when you go

im scared because im afraid they'll change you into a 'tough guy'

im scared because i dont know my own future

im scared because of some of the things you say

like wondering if it'd be easier for me if you 'let me go'

like the times that all you talk about is guns and killing

im scared because i miss you

im scared because i want you to myself again

im scared because i know that they'll always have a part of you that i cant reach

im scared because what if i cant communicate just how much you mean to me?

im scared because one day you might have had enough

im scared because one day you might say 'its time to move on'

im scared because one day you might say 'it'll be easier for you this way'

im scared because if you do say that you might not listen to me

when i try to convince you to stay

im scared because no matter how hard i try,

no matter how much i pray, beg, or hope,

one day i may lose you

and there would be nothing i could do

baby i hope it makes more sense now....

i love you, forever and always